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Chapter Two

The next two chapters are presented out of chronological order. In fact, the events in this chapter take place a year after the story begins in Chapter Three, which is a tale about the inner power that makes people great. Both parts of the story are narrated by Allison who was suddenly brought face to face with the need to fully respond to a life-threatening emergency with her husband George. They found that they worked together as one, knowing what the other needed as well as having an insight and a strength that was unknown to them. In attempting to find the reasons for their burst of supernormal powers, they uncovered the secrets of earlier people which were found to permeate the modern world, hidden under a thin veneer of ignorance, deceit and superstition. Part of these secrets was how to find joy in life, and of great importance to Allison, the secrets of finding complete union and a future with her husband. 

 This chapter starts after Allison and her husband had been applying some of the old secret practices to their daily lives as well as to their own moments of intimacy. Their friends Craig and Mary confront them about how they managed to change their lives so completely without religious or some other institutional support. The confrontation surprises both Allison and George, since they were unaware of the extent of the changes that had been manifested by their efforts. This second story, therefore, provides the best approach to understanding the power that has been described within much of the world’s writings yet has been so completely overlooked in everyday life. 

George and I had invited our old friends Craig and Mary over for dinner. After a quiet dessert we retreated to the living room when Mary, who had been very friendly and conversational during dinner, suddenly electrified the room with some very strong and emotional statements and questions. 

“I can’t keep quiet any longer. Just what have you two been doing?” she abruptly demanded. “We noticed some changes in you guys starting about a year ago, but whatever you are doing seems to be accelerating. A year ago we seemed to have a normal social relationship, but then both of you seemed to start changing right in front of us. At first, we attributed the changes to you finding a deeper love for each other, but then we started seeing many other changes as well. As an example, look at both of you! You seem to be hanging on every word I say and making me feel like I am the center of your world. The dinner conversation made us feel as if we were visiting royalty and it seemed to encourage us to open up and monopolize the conversation. It is also strange that we are not talking about sitcoms, movies, or local gossip which we used to rely upon to carry on a conversation. Rather, it is as if you are interested in something deep within us and not so much in chitchat. Frankly, this change is scary, since it seems as if you two are seeing something in us that we are not sure we want you to see.” 

She continued, “I think what is really bugging hell out of us now, is that somehow it seems that you have discovered something like a whole new way of viewing the world and you haven’t even said one word about it to us. How can it happen that you two can change so rapidly in such a short amount of time? Why is it that you two are growing closer together instead of further apart as is every other couple we know? How is it that you two are getting more creative and wise? What happened to your worries, com-plaints and fears? How is it that you can be so much alive and positive without crediting it to some guru, book or religion? Somehow, you seem to have lost your old sharp judgments and critical analysis and instead seem to accept as well as understand whatever is happening.” 

Craig then spoke, “In trying to figure out what had happened to you, Mary and I started to itemize the changes that we clearly saw in you both. We listed your increased energy and how you seemed to be able to direct it onto others and into topics that we would bring up. You both are able to present your views and arguments with a perspicuity or clarity that is overwhelming. You seem able to allow yourselves to experience a wide range of emotions as you also change instantly from one mood to another. We have seen you become different people as you took on various views, roles and emotions. If we were to talk about some pain, you both seemed to suffer with us. If we talked of some exciting event, your breathing would increase and you seemed to shake with even more excitement than we had. When either of you would touch us, which is now also far more frequent, it seems to send a reassurance of your convictions through us.  Perhaps our awareness of your changes started when we noticed that you guys started acting like two young lovers who couldn’t get enough of each other, and I suppose it seemed to us that you, are in fact, like two kids eager to conquer the world.” 

Craig took a breath and then asked, “What did we forget? Oh, yes! We wanted to ask you about your postures and tummies and how your voices have deepened and strengthened.” 

Mary then continued, “We thought at first that you were pregnant, Allison, and then we noticed that George also had that same firm lower belly bulge and your voices were lower pitched and reminded us of important people who are self confident and powerful. We aren’t quite sure what has changed, but a lot has. Even now, I don’t even seem to care if I have made an ass out of myself and I am not worried about what you are going to do with us….but before you throw us out or something, won’t one of you at least tell us what you have been doing or what is happening? Can’t you give your old friends at least a crumb?”

A deep silence lingered in the room and then I found myself speaking with a strange feeling in my tummy of something between relief and sadness. 

“Oh Mary, you and Craig have been the subject of many of our conversations, and in fact we have discussed not if we should tell you what we have been doing, but how. I even wrote an anony-mous article on certain practices that started us into our new relationship and placed it on the Web.  But I must also say that we were afraid that you might find the article, identify us, and be angry because we didn’t tell you first.”  

My statements seemed to start some feelings of anger in both Craig and Mary that I then attempted to counter. “The problem is that what we have discovered is so far from conventional thought that we feel it will immediately turn most people off. My anonymous article describes some views of reality as well as practices that would shock you both and probably would make you want to run out of our house, rather than us having to throw you out.” 

George attempted another approach, “We had very mixed feelings about telling you, since on one hand we wanted to share with you, but on the other hand we certainly didn’t wish to harden your hearts if you were not ready for something so far out of the normal. It is like discovering a powerful magical spell that in the wrong hands could be very destructive.”  

Craig then spoke up angrily, “Look, we have known each other for years and have been able to discuss some subjects that others would not touch with a ten foot pole. Now, if you two have something powerful, then why can’t you tell us? Your statement that you have thoughts and practices we could not accept sounds insulting and what makes things even worse, is that you don’t credit us with the ability to sort things out with our minds.” 

Craig continued, “I am sure that what you have discovered isn’t something so far out as to fly against common reason, experience or belief. I am sure that you are not dealing with some unknown alien power, or believing in some ridiculous primitive or pagan practice. We’re not stupid nor children, so why do you put on this high-handed declaration that you cannot tell us the truth about what you have discovered?”  

George promptly responded, “Wait! What we know to be true is very much against common belief and normal experience, and though it can be supported by science, it does include something like an alien power, and further, it includes what you would probably consider as pagan practices. Your strong denials are indeed confirming our initial reasons for withholding what we know. Let me reiterate that what we have discovered is, in fact, suppressed by modern society. It is considered as threatening, anti-religious as well as anti-social because it does cause changes in individuals such as you apparently see within us. Society wants solemn conformity to its rules, not independent and joyful individuals. And yes, to effectuate a change of becoming more alive, we had to adopt practices that have been declared ‘alien’ and worse by institutions since the time of the Roman emperors.”  

George tried to continue. “But what can we do now? You have convinced yourselves that what we have to say is not controversial or pagan. However, we well know that it is not only diametrically opposite to the modern politically correct philosophy, but it is also not openly mentioned by modern science (even though it uses solid scientific principles). It seems as if the present situation is like someone finding that dirty maggots from a manure pile are great for infected wounds and then has the problem of telling someone about it who has just stated that infections can only be prevented under tightly controlled aseptic conditions. How can you expect us to tell you something that you already state you cannot believe? It might have been best if we had told you of our search step-by-step, but please recognize that each step was paid for with doubts, much effort and with little guarantee other than our interpretation of some old writings. How could we have invited you guys to join us in something that might be injurious in one way or another? To us, the logical and perhaps the only route we had to follow was to sacrifice ourselves first to our common goal, come hell or high water, which by the way, turned out to be very positive and probably the only thing that we could do.

Unfortunately, now that we are in the process of finally proving what can be considered as suppressed and condemned practices, your present stand seems to give the reasons why what we are doing has been suppressed. Since we do not point to some accepted medical treatment, religious experience, or some Eastern fad for our changes, you assume that we must be engaged in something that we are unwilling to share and that certainly is creating a wall between us.” 

I then spoke up. “We certainly didn’t want to endanger our relationship with you, and would certainly love to share with you what we have learned. However, as the truth began to appear, we were afraid that you might find offense with it and so we became even more careful about discussing any elements of what we had discovered. Ironically, you are now confirming that you will, in fact, find offense. It is a crazy situation when you now state that you know it is not offensive and then even elaborate that it cannot be against rational thinking and accepted behavior. So what do we do now when it is truly irrational and against modern thinking?”  

All of a sudden I started crying and through my tears stated, “I am sorry for my tears, but I suddenly felt a wave of union with all of those individuals who preceded us in seeking joy and its liberation. It is as if in a much smaller way, we too face a hostile society that can accept only the emperor’s or current view of life. We are, in fact, doing a great deal that is very contrary to public belief and acceptability, and we can see the disbelief and denial in you that must have been a hundred times more intense in Rome when individuals described an inner power equal to the emperor’s. I know that you are not thinking of feeding us to the lions or gallows or anything even similar, but I feel that we are in a similar situation. You have accused us of having powers and intimacies that cannot be different from anyone else’s. If we can’t prove that the power we are accused of having is acceptable and perfectly normal, then off to the lions! How could we possibly tell you about the hidden power we have found and what it can do when you have rejected it even before we speak?” 

Silence again, and the room was filled with apprehension. 

Now Craig swallowed anxiously and with a tremor in his voice said, “I am wrong and, in fact, stupid. Here I am a municipal attorney supposedly trained in understanding truth in testimonies, yet I am acting like a closed-minded idiot. I hear truth in what you say and, of course, what you know must be something alien and unacceptable to society or how else could you have changed as much as you have. We have endangered our relationship and your confidence in us as friends in our headstrong and self-important stance. Now George has correctly pointed out that the wedge has been driven and none of us can now remove it… Except… can I now act like an unbiased friend of this court? What if we swear to protect you from any consequences from what you tell us, no matter how repulsive and unacceptable it may be? You have a written story that obviously must be written for people who have experienced what you two have. I propose, as a friend of this court, and as a means of ending the present conflict, that it becomes as a secret, court-controlled document. Your document is to be read by the plaintiffs or accusers and its contents carefully studied as to its veracity. If the plaintiffs cannot find veracity in the document, then they must forever hold their opinions and keep the source of the document secret from others.” 

He then dropped his legalistic style and spoke quite strongly from his heart. “If, as I foolishly intimated, we cannot accept it and think badly of you, then we are no worse than we are right now. However, suppose that we can accept your ideas? We do accept that you have changed dramatically over the last year and as you reacted to my stupid outburst, I suddenly felt a strange feeling of the joy that could come from letting go of logical and social constraints, particularly if it results in what you two have found. I have long had some deep feelings about people who have beliefs strong enough to die for. Please, please forgive my outburst and trust our offer of holding you two harmless, regardless of what we might think later.” 

Being overcome with relief, I got up with tears streaming down my face and hugged Mary while George answered Craig. “We are all missing one very supportive point and that is that Craig and Mary did, in fact, see the change that has occurred within us, which means that they must have some of the basic powers that we have been working with. We both have noticed how the maj-ority of the people whom we come in contact with, including our own families, have not noticed or at least said anything about us being different. I, therefore, accept the full recommendation offered by the friend of the court, and as one of the defendants, state a positive hope in the immediate resolution of the problem.” 

I am not sure how they finally got out the door, but they left with a copy of our story. I think that there could not have ever been a parting of people with such an intense mixture of anticipation, hope, fear, joy, and closeness. 

We waited. 

It wasn’t until three weeks later on a Friday afternoon when Mary called me at the store, “Oh, Allison!” she started, “You have turned our lives upside down! We read and reread your story. We have been arguing, discussing and debating almost every waking moment we are together. We tried to look up some of your sources and again questioned … and questioned and then questioned more. Every step we have gone through has loosened up something deep within us both and…” then she paused, “… and then we started to get hungry for more!” 

My heart must have missed many beats during her short talk, but I managed to ask, “How soon?”

That evening they brought Chinese takeout, saying it was great for talking over, although the meal was very quiet with an apparent reservation and control of emotions. It was in many ways like a ritualistic meal before some great event, and we were all trying with our best effort to remain patient and simply enjoy each other. 

After the mess had been picked up, it seemed as if all eyes finally rested upon Craig. He took a deep breath and said, “I must start with the statement again that I was wrong in my views of a few weeks ago and that we both owe you our deepest apologies. However, I also assume that you both also knew how great the shock would be as we read your article. What you wrote did counter many of our most basic and sacred ideas and feelings. We fought over each element in your story, but believe it or not we gradually started arguing for your statements and attempted to counter every argument that we could think of that had been drilled into us. It seemed that finally Mary and I were preparing the defense for your story against all of society. The more we prepared, the stronger the case became until, if it had gone to trial, we would have had a complete victory in our presentation of your story in what would have been the trial of the millennium. Now all that remains is for you to accept our deepest apology and answer Mary’s questions of the other week.” 

I exhaled deeply, “As to an apology, there can be none, since it was a very honest reaction. As to Mary’s questions, you have no doubt already answered many of the questions in reading our story, but I will start with what I remember of your questions about our changes that go beyond the story, and then you two can either add or ask more.”  

“Yes, we now know that we have changed, but the change seems to have been in small steps starting with that accident a year and a half ago, so we haven’t really been aware of the magnitude of our change until you questioned us. We really hadn’t noticed that we have given up idle chitchat because there seems to be so much more exciting stuff now to talk about. Life is no longer boring, drab and dull, but it offers a viable and wonderful future. Our lives seem more and more geared toward reaching into and fulfilling our mutual future than in reminiscing about some past TV extravaganza to kill time.”  

I then attempted to summarize with, “Perhaps the crux of our findings is that we now know that what we dedicate ourselves to do, will in fact be done, or what we seek to find, will be found. It is terrifying as much as it is liberating to know that you can set and be responsible for your own course through life and beyond.” 

I continued. “What we discovered didn’t seem initially to be something that would change our whole world but rather was a way for us to enjoy each other more or to recapture our interest in each other. Our marriage had started to turn into a routine and we both missed the early excitement of exploring each other and the world together. As an example, when we were first in love and even through our first few years of married life, we were deeply committed to facing life together, exploring each other, and merging with each other. That spark had died out and we were in that typical married state of trying to be comfortable with each other. But then we found a new door to open and we simply opened it and looked in. What we found was terrifying and yes, initially very disquieting. It struck us both very strongly that we had to change not only our minds but, perhaps of even more importance, our bodies. 

I then took a big plunge and continued with an assurance that amazed me. “Let me first outline how impossible the total task was. We found that we had to find an open response to our bodies that adds up to becoming fully voluptuous. To do that we needed to allow ourselves to become carried away with good feelings and thoughts, or to become joyous without judgment. Another tough one was to increase our inner energy to fully engage in whatever we might be doing. In terms of reacting to others, we had to become one with others such that their roles were of more importance than ourselves. Then the real tough one is to let go of who we thought we should be and become whatever role or individual is required at the moment. We also found that we had to change many ideas about sex and discover its potential power in our lives.” 

“The miracle of what we found was that the above requirements came naturally once we found the inner power that started in childhood, but you know about this from reading our story.” I then paused and asked, “Did I answer all of your questions?”  

Mary said, “Oh, no, I have many more questions for you. Right now, I’m wondering about your religion. Craig and I have about given up on finding some church that offers a faith that we can live with, yet somehow I sense that you two have found some faith that supports all that you have to do.” 

“George and I think that we have been experiencing religion in its most fundamental sense, far beyond faith. This comes with the realization that whatever you desire to find in life can be found, and that each step toward that goal is directed by some higher power that lies deep within you that presents you with what you need and when you need it. One of the books that gave us most of the details and philosophy of this whole new experience quoted Proverbs that man can choose his direction to go in life, but the Lord controls the steps. When you become convinced that you are in good hands and that your future is whatever you desire, then your whole attitude toward life can change.” 

George then added, “You mentioned giving up looking for church that offers a faith to live by and that can be compared to giving up on having your parents decide your life. It is a sign of evolution. Both are necessary in growth, but if parents and church do their duty, they prepare you to stand on your own two feet and direct your own lives as Allison states. To us church is not a building, a fellowship or ritual, but rather what has been called a communion with those with the same goal. I would suggest that we four are now in this state of communion as we share openly with each other and seek the same goals in life.” 

After a few moments of silence, Mary again questioned me in a very gentle voice. “Our discussion tonight has brought us to something very important to me and that is the communion and understanding I feel with you both. During our last meeting I think I said something like I couldn’t care even if I made an ass out of myself in front of you. Craig also told me later that he felt a very strong sense of closeness and even of a oneness at the end of the meeting that he had never before experienced with anyone.” 

George laughed, “Well, it works two ways, so you need to get used to it. After a few months of starting to find this inner flow of power we noticed that people around us seemed to drop into two separate categories. One group felt as you do, while the other group almost hated and resented our presence. Surprisingly, the liking or hating of us seemed to take place almost instantly on meeting someone new. We have found references to this radiated power and found that it was well recognized in the early Gnostic and Christian communities around the time of Jesus. In those days it was called agapao in Greek, which meant an over-powering love and understanding. We figured that there are some people who are highly secretive and are afraid of anyone who seems able to see through them and hence want to stay far away from you. Others feel comfortable and secure. Unfortunately it seems that the word agapao has been reduced to a modern mean-ing of charity or of giving things to prove love of others and the original sense of oneness with others seems to have been lost in modern churches. But judging from our experience, it is easy to understand how the overpowering aspect of agapao is lost when there is no inner fire.”

Craig seemed lost in some thought and then asked, “Why is the inner power so hidden when it is so powerful, why doesn’t everyone know about it since it can transform lives?” 

George quickly responded, “Well, it isn’t hidden at all! If it was, we couldn’t have found nor studied it. It is found even in our daily conversation with such statements that, “I know it in my guts.” The Old Testament refers over and over again to ‘girding up your loins’ and to the power in the belly. Jesus tells his followers to find God ‘within’ themselves. The Bible speaks of individuals filled with a power such that they can prophesize or do marvelous deeds. The Bible makes the distinction between the righteous or perfected individuals and the sinners and states that the righteous can be easily seen because of their works or actions. However, how many of the people that you know would you trust with the notion that whatever they felt was true or desirable they should do? Churches must face the same problem. They are not the ones to tell of an inner power when they are attempting to stabilize society. Religious writings all state that before seeking the higher power, you must first master the social or religious laws. But how many people do you know who are quite falsely convinced that they are already fully competent and knowledge-able?  

Craig then retorted, “Well, if the power is not hidden and is readily available and everyone thinks that they are nearly perfected, what keeps them from knowing about it?" 

“That is the simplest answer of all! If they consider themselves as perfected, they see no need to rearrange their lives and exert themselves. If also they believe that they know what is right, then what they don’t know can’t be important or true. It is this bull headedness and stupidity that religious writings describe as being blind, deaf to truth, or sin (which originally meant in Greek, ‘to miss the mark’). We included in our story the Scaffold to Perfection which describes this opposition simply as conceit.”

“All of us here, however, started with an intense awareness of our own ignorance and powerlessness and as evidenced by Mary, essentially demanded to be told the truth. And there is another interesting aspect of this, in that, the more you do learn of the truth, the more your world expands and the more you find that you do not know, and hence you do, in fact, remain humble as required by religious writings.” 

Mary who was listening to all of this quite resolutely asked, “Can the fact that most individuals don’t find the power, be explained by looking for it with their wisdom acquired from society instead of with feelings found in childhood? Haven’t both of you been telling us, between your story and now, that the expansion of ourselves, or of finding union and a future, starts within our bellies rather than within our head and thoughts? But this is what is so contrary to all that we have been taught. It is as if almost everyone is deceived with the concept that what they think will liberate them. You are saying that it is what one feels that becomes liberating. What one feels is tightly linked to what one is seeking or becoming and this is then fed with some sexual energy or feelings that goes way back into some dim memory. Is this correct?”  

Craig, then interrupted, “Isn’t it ironic that our culture speaks so highly of the middle of the eighteenth century as the Age of Enlightenment when the modern world switched to believing that reason was far more important than feelings.”  

“Mary and Craig, I love you both,” I exclaimed. “You stated it so succinctly and beautifully that you must certainly be experiencing some of the stuff we wrote about. However, you both already know the necessity of thinking as well. Feeling and thinking must be tied together. It is now very clear that you two are sharing something of our world with this same power of union of reason and feeling. It is true that what we reach for mentally determines our physical reality and that is made manifest with an inner power that resides in the abdominal region. All of us touched a sense of yearning for union and understanding at the end of our last meeting.” 

Mary then became even more animated and stated, “Well, the attainment of that conviction was paid for dearly by us both. After we read your story, we were shocked by what was said. Our heads were in a spin, since what you wrote was so contrary to what we have been taught. As we carefully looked into each of the disturbing statements, we gradually became aware of how our society has brainwashed us all. Society has taught us that the belly and sexual region are dirty, vulgar and disgraceful and that we must hide all of our sensations there by tightening our lower muscles, pulling our guts in and tucking our butts under. We are taught that anything that is secreted in our lower region is filthy, contaminated, and poisonous. No wonder we were so blinded!” 

“As to that,” I replied, “we look at that as part of the necessary obstacles to overcome. This is an area that we are now studying with a lot of interest, but it seems as if some of us humans need to be hit over the head to learn. Why is it that we have so quickly lost the secrets of joy found in childhood? Why did we replace the acceptance of the flow of life with the idea that we had to worry about and attempt to control each step in our life, even though our experience added up to the fact that we couldn’t. It just seems to take time for us to accept the basic awareness that we require a higher metaphysical power to be present in every moment of our life and that we can point to the direction we will travel, but we simply can’t get there on our own.”  

After that the conversation drifted into other supports for the ancient practices that I reported in my story. By now I was becoming convinced that George and I were not the only ones in the world to be crazy enough to believe some of the ancient ideas and that others could also quickly explore and substantiate them. This is getting more and more exciting!

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